Authenticity Vs. Forced Positivity and Your Health
You have seen them, the books and memes that promote positive thinking. I always put on some Youtube background music when I write and just now saw one video entitled “Stamp out all negativity!” Not only is that impossible, it is unhealthy to think it is possible.
The best way to illustrate where I am going with this is to tell you a few short stories.
As I grew up my mother was sick in bed with asthma and other debilitating symptoms. Family members told me she had been such an inspiration to them before her illness. At times she rallied and I saw a glimpse of her real personality, but then depression overtook her and she went back to bed. She could not help her negative state and called me her “Pollyanna” because I always sought ways to cheer her up. In spite of my efforts my mother could not will herself to feel happy or positive. Her life was a merry-go-round of symptoms, drugs, and misery. We did not know until I was nineteen years old that certain drug interactions from doctor ordered prescriptions altered her personality and caused her dark moods. When my mother passed out and was rushed to the hospital for the umpteenth time, one very determined doctor questioned my mother, father, and me until she got to the bottom of things. She could see that underneath it all my mother was a different person from the façade the drugs portrayed. She determined that once my mother was weaned off all the interacting prescriptions, she would be fine. Mom went on to work in retail, get married a second time, and live a reasonably healthy, happy life.
A similar set of circumstances happened to a friend of ours who was closer to my age.
We met her when she had already suffered for thirteen years, sequestered away in a dark bedroom at age thirty-five, living with her mother and no social life. Though we tried to be her “Pollyanna” she could not hold on to any amount of positive thinking no matter how hard she tried. She cried a lot and was drowning in despair. She maintained her authentic experience of misery, difficult as it was to witness, and it was that authenticity that eventually led to her healing. We shared with her what happened to my mother and saw an article in the newspaper about the many problems caused by certain drug interactions, but when she questioned the psychotherapist who wrote her prescriptions, he dismissed the book as false information. She persisted and went to a different doctor who weaned her off some of the medication. Months later her old therapist was arrested for malpractice when several other patients complained of similar issues and sought new avenues. At age forty-two our friend went on to meet a man, marry, and have a child, something she had always wished for but could not conceive of in her former state.
Another woman I know fell into a state of sudden dark moods and irritability unlike her normal affect. Doctors stood baffled and tried various drug treatments, first assumption - to treat with anti-depressants which made everything worse. She was at her wits end. After several years they finally found something off with her thyroid. With continued authentic representation of her distress and unhappiness and proper treatment she returned to her normal self.
Meanwhile, each year I added one more symptom to my already long list.
I went from doctor to doctor trying to figure out why I was sick all the time — IBS, horrible stomach pain and abdominal cramps, athlete’s foot, increasing food and airborne allergies, vaginal infections, frequent colds, infertility, depression, and extreme PMS. Each time I was told my symptoms were due to stress and I was offered pills. I asked for allergy testing and was refused, “It’s expensive and I don’t think you have an allergy.” I was stressed alright; I knew something physical was going on and no one believed me! I also read tons of self-help books in futile attempts to will my happiness. I faked a positive attitude on the outside and like my friend, I felt hopeless and could not will one palpable ounce of real positivity. I tried to keep up my reputation as a Pollyanna and it felt like a betrayal to myself.
I was not telling the truth.
I started exploring health food stores and got to know some of the staff. Whenever anyone asked how I was, rather than fake it and say, “I’m fine,” the Great American fake it response, I started telling the truth to someone besides the doctors whose ears were closed to my plight. One day I said, “I ate pizza last night and I feel terrible.” A woman there who studied herbology asked me to be her practice client and together we discovered I had celiac disease in one consultation. I had suffered for 50 years and now I had a solution. My authenticity saved my life! I returned to normal ups and downs and experienced real positive states of being! As it turned out I suspect that the onset of my mother’s asthma may have been celiac as well since it runs in families and asthma can be a symptom.
Fake happiness and positivity is detrimental
With all that said, through the years I have known masses of people try to fake positivity while they ignore the possibility of or can’t find the underlying causes for their unhappiness and depression. This is because as a society we have come to believe that sadness and unhappiness are bad and feeling happy and positive is always a choice, so we hide it when we feel awful. Far too many struggle to be happy by forcing a fake positive attitude and not tending to issues at the root of their suffering. Food and environmental allergies, undiagnosed disease, and unaddressed childhood wounding are just some things to look at. ADD, ADHD, OCD, and Tourette’s syndrome all make it difficult if not impossible for a person to choose a positive outlook. Only by being authentic and real in their suffering can some people find light at the end of the tunnel and hope to move toward a more satisfying life.
If you are one who runs the other way when someone says they feel less than good, consider the stories here. The person who comes to you with their authentic suffering, may be seeking your help. If you are one who suffers while faking a positive outlook, have the courage to be authentic and one day it may save your life and lead you to real happiness.
***Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this article, I invite you to test how many times can you hit the clapping hands to your immediate left in 5 seconds. It’s one more way to keep your fingers in shape AND will help other people see the story. Writing is my passion, so thanks for your help in spreading my work to others!
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