How to Raise the Bar to Something Greater, Something Simpler for Your Holidays
Dear Friend,
The holidays have whooshed in like a hurricane, blowing heavy gusts of excess and pouring down expectations that we humans are not designed to fulfill. T’is the season to feel the pressure as so many of us do at this time of year. Stop where you are and realize that you were made for something greater.
The world tells you that unless you compete and perform and succeed (i.e. have lots of money to buy things) you are worthless, “worth less” which could not be further from the truth. Society urges you to live in a house over-sized for the number of family members you have, filled with extravagance that squeezes your wallet dry all in the name of “success.” Aim for the most prestigious job and drive to that job in a vehicle that costs ten times what your parents paid for their home. Work toward the sleekest body with the tightest abs and most alluring contours. If you’re a woman, put on a face with the darkest tan on the smoothest skin, the longest lashes, the rosiest cheeks, and the most seductive lips, and men have similar criteria. You must project the most vivacious personality and the most attractive body in order to attract Mr. or Miss Right. Don’t forget to follow the most outlandish dream even if you leave a swath of hurting hearts, including your own, in your wake. You must be a cool, unfettered, super-person, swaddled in the latest fashion and, lest your neighbors catch a glimpse, don’t be seen in last year’s garb. Who cares if your tossed leather jacket takes 40 years to break down in a landfill and your synthetic items take hundreds of years?
You are not Superman/woman! Pressure to be and have the best and brightest for the holidays and every day is everywhere and it is an unhealthy lie. If you are not the best and brightest, say the advertisers, you will…what? Be left out? Be shunned? Be taunted as less than perfect like when you were in first grade? Not enjoy your holiday?
The answer is: NO! None of the above will happen except in the fear-filled nightmares of your mind. Until you know this deep in your heart you will succumb to the pressure, show the world a mask of exuberance that you don’t feel, and drag yourself around as a shell of a person who is tired and miserable and depressed and lost.
You can, in fact, have a happier, more fulfilled, and peaceful holiday if you stop trying so hard. Here’s how:
1)Reduce your expectations. What is it YOU really want to do and be for the holidays? Write it down if you have to and post it where you can see it. Then take the necessary steps to do it and be it, or if you will, undo it and un-be it. The world will always ask you for the impossible. Do what is possible so that you can maintain some joy and peace in your life.
2)Reduce your gift list by at least half and give from the heart, not obligation. Reduce the number of people you give material gifts to and opt for post-holiday visits instead. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and tell the people who will no longer get a physical gift how stressed you get at holiday time and what a long-lasting gift it would be to spend time making memories instead of buying things that will one day end up rotting in a landfill pile. This allows you to discern who your real friends are while helping to prevent excess stuff from fouling the landscape. You can do the same with children and though starting young is best, older children can be taught as well. Too many children zip through the unwrapping of gifts and in less than a week the items lay in a corner collecting dust. Instead spend time. Bake cookies together. Play games. Drive around the neighborhood looking at holiday decorations and lights and vote on your favorites. Experience has taught me that the more quality time you spend with children, the less they crave “stuff.” Also, children can learn to do the same with their friends and develop character that operates from the heart and not the pocketbook.
3)Engage in a daily practice of gratitude. If you have a roof over your head, food to eat, and people to love, you already have so much more than many people in this world! Don’t take any of it for granted as it can all be gone in a flash.
4)Reduce the number of times you say “Yes”… without guilt. Say this over-used three letter word only when you know you are willing and able to fulfill what you are saying “yes” to and can follow through with a genuine smile and generous attitude. You may have been taught to be helpful and of course you want to be a “good” person, but you are good to no one if you are tired and overwhelmed and say “yes” anyway.
5)If your relationships are strained, know they can be better. Counseling can do wonders to bring you closer to understanding, compassion, humor, forgiveness, and love for these crazy individuals you share your life with. Talk to your family and schedule an appointment with a qualified professional early in the New Year. And remember, you are crazy too!
6)Find a good therapist to help you remember that you and your loved ones are not merchandise to be dressed up, promoted, and sold to the highest bidder. You may have been raised to believe “this is how life works” but all too often this in how life does NOT work. Too much striving makes for unhappy, unhealthy, grumpy children and adults. Far too many people achieve their material and egoic goals and later stand at a precipice asking “Now what? Who am I?”
7)If you already have reached that precipice and are asking those questions, chances are you have taken a turn that is not wrong, but rather a stepping stone to a better place. You now realize that having more than enough money to buy whatever you want is not the key to happiness. You have a sense that going for a job that brings you money but not satisfaction is not where you want to be. Promise yourself that in the New Year you will spend time learning how to think outside the box you currently sit in. If a new job is not the answer, perhaps a new attitude is in order or an after-hours hobby to take your mind off the work day.
My friend, you are more than your work and your possessions now and all year long. You are more than the way you look and the stuff you collect and buy and give away. Everything I mention here boils down to one word, “Simplify.” Focus more on joy and love and gratitude for what and who you have in your life and less on the acquisition of approval and stuff and grass that is greener.
My best wishes for a beautiful holiday season, whatever it is that you celebrate!
***Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this article, I invite you to test how many times can you hit the clapping hands to your immediate left in 5 seconds. It’s one more way to keep your fingers in shape AND will help other people see the story. Writing is my passion, so thanks for your help in spreading my work to others!
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